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I keep going back and forth about liking Davis. It's just not easy how I expected it be - socially, not academically. I'm struggling to find stuff to be involved in - and really involved in, not just attending. I hate chemistry, so I'm already debating my major. I hate not having my car, so I'm finding ways around it. I've looked it up and I could transfer out at the end of the year if I wanted. That's not what I really want though - to go somewhere else where things could be equally hard, where it will definitely cost my parents more money, where I'll be minimally half-way across the country from my family and friends.
And this is all resulting from a failed chemistry midterm Friday and driving around Davis yesterday, not liking how the streets all curve and how dark it gets at night. (Ridiculous, I know). However, I had dinner plans and had to head out... and when I get there, Linden mentions that Alisha suggested the 3 of us live together next year. And my entire world here at Davis instantly got about 100x better. Having people to live with, friends to live with next year was stressing me out so much. They even want to live in the complex I want to live in. And then I had a wonderful night hanging out with Jenna, Alisha, and Linden. And I started thinking that a night like that is enough to keep me here.
This morning I went to rinse my coffee mug in the bathroom sink so I could make more tea and I noticed a fortune from a panda express fortune cookie on the floor. I quickly discovered it was not from any fortune cookie Ben or I have had in the many times we have gone out for panda. It said "Soon you will be on the top of the world".
I have faith that next quarter might be better. I'm hoping for a spot as a Kappa officer - if I get the one I want, I'll have Chapter Council meetings on Sunday nights, Kappa meetings on Monday nights, and Panhellenic meetings on Wednesday nights. I'm applying to internship for the ASUCD President - I tried to intern for a senator this quarter, but turns out she didn't need an intern. And once the winter experimental college catalog comes out, I will find a dance class to take. And I will start with that. I'm trying to remember what I so loved in high school, what allowed me to want to stay at Amador for four long years. And I'm going to try to recreate that. Thomas, Ben, and I were walking home from the Giglotti's Friday night and Thomas asked who even liked their high school experience - and Ben looked pointedly at me. And though I didn't always like it as it was going on, that was generally due to personal drama, not extracurricular or school drama. I loved being triple booked and running from one activity to the next. I was far more productive, far healthier, and far happier. Right now I'm killing intense amounts of time sleeping, playing computer games, and... I can't even tell you what. Not being productive. So this is me making my New Year's Resolution about 2 months in advance - I resolve to be happy at Davis. I resolve to find ways to keep myself busy. I resolve to treat both my body and my mind better, to keep myself healthier. I resolve to make an effort instead of crying about how hard life is. I resolve to do beter.
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